Thursday, July 16, 2009

Rudie Can't Fail (And Neither Can Peaches)

Gifted a copy of "Essential Clash". Much excitement. It has some of my favorites on there, like "Straight to Hell", "Train in Vain", "Rudie Can't Fail", and "Bankrobber". It would be darn near perfect if only it had "The Call Up", but I'm not complaining too loudly. A word of warning, the double CD case is a nightmare. I had to pry it open with a small screwdriver and that, of course, didn't go as elegantly as prying with a small screwdriver sounds. I have trouble listening to the Clash sometimes because I still can't wrap my brain around Joe being dead.

Captain Slack and Fandragon dropped off some Ramones a few weeks back too, so I'm rather delighted. Yay, music!

And I promise this is the last you'll see of Peaches for awhile, but it was just too funny not to share. I was talking on the phone with Dad and happened to look out the back door. What a nutter. She looks like she's been shot with an elephant dart.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Mizz Peachz, Maxxin' n' Relaxxin'



Tell me she doesn't look kinda chubby. I went outside yesterday to help Mom bring in some heavy things from the car and I stopped to pet Peaches and I swear it was like squeezing an overstuffed pillow. Of course, she loves being squeezed because she's a freak like everyone else around here, but good grief, kitty, time for some Spanx, I think.

In other news, I feel really sick and can't believe I'm awake.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Tough Times Call for Cat Pictures

Mom's been having problems. I called to talk to Dad about it only to discover that Dad had a heart/chest pain episode that morning. Ever have those moments when you stop pacing and just clutch your head like it's going to explode?

I encounter these entities, Mom's acolytes, on my pacings; they're always so happy to see me:




Mr. Smooch, Esquire


MoxieMan


Bonhomie Bucketfaints




Sassy Cat

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Rio Goes to the G.I. Doctor

Ok, well this might turn into a large post (you know what it's like when I go out in public...) *turns on Dead or Alive's "Round and Round"*

I'll break it down into points of interest.

1. First of all, they didn't have my appt. listed. ANYWHERE. I was a good girl, didn't throw a fit, waited until they got it sorted and I was seen anyway, and by the doctor that my GP recommended, so all was well. No need to blow up on the good working people of the office for an error.

Scene: Me and Dad waiting with a very nice nurse who's entering my info. into a computer. I make the observation to Dad that her shoes look very fast [inside joke between us and Dad -- he bought new running shoes that are very swanky and have netting and shiny bits all over them, and I said they looked very fast, to which my father said facetiously, "I can jump high too." It was like being on the playground again.] The nurse says to me that she has twin nieces and that they look very much alike.

"But the really interesting thing is when they look at each other, like they know what the other one is thinking and they communicate with these looks..."

My father shook his head. "Never play Pictionary against twins. Here..."

He pulled a pen from his pocket, sketched two ovals and two little squiggly lines on the side of my paper tote bag. "One of them drew this, and the other one said, 'It's a lizard!'..." We all laughed, and I said, "I was going to say that looked like a lizard, Dad..."

He narrowed his eyes and I laughed sheepishly.


2. Got 7 vials of blood drawn. Various things -- genetic marker, celiac, enzymes, etc.

Scene: Me, waiting. Listening to the nurses discussing a form, and a gentleman from Rex Hosp. coming to collect bags full of samples. I couldn't place his accent. He sounded "gulf" but not. I finally asked him where he was from, and he smiled big, said, "Virginia!" though he's been in NC for 30 years.

"You have a very distinct patois," I said. He's got to be coastal then. We have folks down in the coastal plain of NC who sound similar to him. Like when he said "cancer center", it sounded more like "cansuh centuh". Neat!


3. I also teased the phlebotomy nurse until she was bent laughing and slapping her leg, mostly with the gruesome idea of marrying a 90 year old for his money.

"You have a daughter there," she said to dad.

"Yes, she's a lot," he said wryly, herding me into the next room to get my diagnostics so we could go home.


4. Out in the parking lot, we discovered a slip of paper under the wiper of the car. It was a handwritten note reading "How to get saved" with instructions to read a certain passage in Acts, then go to Temple of the Pentacost in town (complete with phone #) to get baptized.

"They smell heathen on you," I said to Dad.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Jaye on a Moped versus a Liger

Last night, Jaye and I saw two grizzly bears fighting.

Jaye: "They're the ultimate killing machine. What if a grizzly bear fought a lion? A tiger? A Moose?"

Me: "A hippo would take it down."

This lead to grizzly bears versus golden eagles, a toucan, and an owl. According to Jaye, this is how the latter scenario would transpire:

Bear: RAWR!!

Owl: HOOT!

Bear: RAWR!!

Owl: HOOT!

[36 hours later....]

Bear: RAWR!

Owl: HOOT!

It would be a draw.

But what about a more difficult scenario? What about Jaye naked on a moped but wearing a helmet, versus a liger?

Things to consider before making your answer:

*The moped is a standard issue 80's TOMOS with a full gas tank of about 2 gallons and a range of 40 miles per gallon, and Jaye is creating no wind extra wind drag by being free of clothes

*The Liger has had no circus training, cannot ride a moped, does not have a license to legally do so, and has no where important to be at the moment of this challenge

*Both he and Jaye have had a nutritious breakfast, adequate sleep, proper hydration, and will not be involving law enforcement at any time

*The Liger may or may not be open to new experiences

*Jaye has plenty of gas money stuffed in her helmet

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Poetry Happy Sparkle Fun Timez

Last night, I discovered a pile of unused business reply postcards that Mom and the ladies at the college had been using as scratch paper. I decided that I was going to decorate them and mail them to her and her friends just for fun. I dragged Sis into the plot and we decided to terrorize Mom and her co-worker friend with nothing but truly awful "Roses are red..." poems.

We came up with several that were really cringe-worthy.

Jaye's contributions:

Roses are red
Violets are flowers
I often believe
I have magical powers


Roses are red
Violets are furry
When I take off my glasses
You look really blurry



Me:

Roses are red
Violets are purple
There isn't a word
That rhymes with purple.
(Except maybe hurple)

Roses are red
Violets are sunny
I need a Ferrari
Give me some money


Instead of committing first class mail fraud, I left them in her purse to find. She thought they were hilarious. We decorated them like serious Hallmark cards so the messages were rather a shock.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Yeah, You Heard Me

In the course of my writing like a writing thing that writes writingly, I looked up a few alternate words in the computer's dictionary (possibly words to replace "write"), and I was mildly amused to find that the word "mad" as in "lunacy or madness" comes from the same root as the word "mutate".

The next time I'm feeling crazy, I'm going to tell people that I'm mutating.